Double Date, Double Anxious

First dates are awkward, but you know what’s more awkward? Meeting your boyfriends’ friends for the first time. I have been dating a guy for a few months now, and we became official two months ago. Maybe three? I’m not sure, let’s say we became the title Boyfriend/Girlfriend on January 1st. Keeps things simple.

A few days ago, I told my boyfriend I wanted to do a bowling date, I started a new diet and wanted to limit the number of dates involving food. He texts me saying he invited his friends, and of course, I want to meet them, I want to see how he is around people who know him best. Unfortunately, I am an awkward, and shy person. I also suffer from horrible anxiety which I rarely talk about because it seems like almost every millennial suffers from anxiety.

I agree with this double date and immediately start overthinking everything because it’s what I do best. I have never been the low-key person who can go with the flow. In fact, I am the exact opposite, everything I do is slightly dramatic right down to the way I dress. So, when my boyfriend says his friend texted “It’s on like donkey schlong” my brain started working double speed.

“Will his friends like me?”

“Will they know I’m not chill?”

“What will I wear?”

“Do I need to talk a lot if I’m super sleepy?”


“Kayla, why would they hate you because of your eyes?”


At this point in my thought process I am in the middle of a full-blown panic attack tucked away in the bathroom with the shower roaring and hot steam surrounding my body. Shivering, a chest splitting my insides with more profound pain than anyone will ever know. I sit there and listen to the water rush over my body and listen to the swirl as it goes down the drain. With my eyes closed, I let the water wash over me and carry me away.

When I am in the middle of a panic attack, I have to have something touching me, not a person, but something I can feel with every inch of my body. I suppose it’s a way to help keep me grounded. I close my eyes and listen to the water, I put my hands to my throat feeling my heartbeat, and I count them for as long as I need to. Sometimes I pretend the water is cleansing my soul so I can be refreshed and ready to take on the challenge.

“I can do this, I can do this, I can do this.” I repeat over and over till it feels like I can do it.

“I am strong, I have been alone, I have met people alone, I have had deep conversations with others, and nothing bad has happened alone. Now I am with a great man and it will be just as amazing”

“They will like me because I am head over heels for him. They will give me the benefit of the doubt because I am not his ex, I am much better.”

“I love myself; therefore, they will like me too.”

Sometimes reminding yourself of your worth is the best way to face a challenge, and the best way to overcome anxiety. You can tell yourself at any point that you can do anything and that you are amazing and spectacular. I have to remind myself every day, this may look like confidence on the outside, but it’s one of the best ways to keep my anxiety in check, after all, it’s true.

I make it to my boyfriend’s house, and as soon as I’m in his arms I know the night will go well, he makes my heart sing a peaceful song that I could never sing on my own. He is the Zen master to my chaotic heart. Where I am fast, he is slow, where I am not in control; he is firmly in control. It is the perfect partnership of two opposites creating one cohesive environment. It’s something unique to me, being with him is like exploring a world I haven’t yet seen.

We make it to the bowling alley, and I remind myself that he’s got me, and if all else fails, if his friends hate me, I’ll still have him. More importantly, I’ll always have myself. They come from behind us, and it scares the living hell out of me, the place was so packed I was trying to focus on everything but the zombie apocalypse I thought would rain upon us. I sucked down my first gin and tonic fast to get over the number of people that were in one small building. I don’t recommend getting plastered when you first meet any friends, but I do recommend getting in a comfortable position to talk to them.

By my second drink some of my nerves were gone, and I started to feel more comfortable and not thinking of a zombie outbreak and dying. I was having a good time, I wasn’t doing terrible at bowling, and dang my man has good form. *hint hint wink wink, I totally checked him out* His friends were happy to see him and laughing. I was happy seeing him with others who make him happy.

The best way to get through the uncomfortable-ness is to remind yourself that you are amazing and worth it, and chances are your partner sees that in you too or he wouldn’t be introducing you to his friends. Sometimes it’s good to get out of your comfort zone, and meet new people.

New Diet!

Hello Everyone!

I have made some substantial lifestyle changes and couldn’t be prouder of myself. I recently started a program called Nutrisystem, I have officially lost 11 pounds in about three weeks. I moved to New Hampshire getting away from a weird and rough patch in my life, completely overweight. Just from leaving a stressful situation I was able to drop 15 pounds, but I needed more help. My mom encouraged me to give this system a try. It has been one of the best decisions I have ever made but not one of the easiest choices. The first week is rough, but after three weeks, I have started noticing incredible changes. I want to talk with you guys about healthy diets because I believe it’s super important to be conscious of what goes into your body. I am a firm believer whatever you put in you get out of your body.

I started out overweight, with mood swings, always tired, acne everywhere and no hope to fix it. I had trouble falling asleep and waking up. I had been calorie counting, but I had been neglecting to look at things like carbs, sugar, and sodium which all contributed to me being overweight. Sodium kept me bloated, sugar made me break out and stay up till ungodly hours. Bad carbs made me gain weight and lose the small amount of fiber I was eating. By bad carbs I mean, pizza, bagels, beer, white bread with no fiber, and potatoes.

Week one was miserable, I hadn’t realized how much sugar and bad carbs I was eating. I would eat a bagel twice a week when I was in a rush to get to work. I would dump one packet of sugar in my medium coffee almost every day. I had been counting all these calories and thinking I wasn’t doing too bad since I was eating around 1500 calories a day. Little did I know 1500 calories was way too much for me to lose weight. The very first week I was cut to 1000 calories a day, this included breakfast, one shake, lunch, a protein bar, and a dinner. I struggled, I was utterly grumpy, my temper was short, I had a migraine, simply put I was detoxing.

The second week I could move to 1200 to promote weight loss, and I was able to add in healthy carbs and healthy proteins, Nutrisystem was able to give me a shopping list with all the foods I could eat that would help me with weightless. Things became more comfortable, I knew what I could eat and add in, I started looking at recipes that I could use with all the “free foods” I could eat; Free foods are minimal calories, and you can eat a ton of it without it harming your weight loss plans, such as mushrooms and kale.

By the end of the week, I noticed I was able to sleep without my regular dose of melatonin, I had cut it in half! My skin started clearing up, and the scale went down. Seeing the numbers drop on the scale was a huge motivation. By the third week, I started dressing better, people were beginning to notice my weight change. I am so incredibly proud of myself.

I am not nearly done; my goal is to lose 35 more pounds and to be healthy in every aspect of my life. This isn’t a little goal, and it’s a huge lifestyle change, but it is incredibly worth it. Seeing the small changes keep pushing me forward. Feeling healthy and overall happy has made a massive difference in the way I carry myself.

This system may not be for everyone, but it is precisely what I needed to get to this point in my life.

Safe or Sorry?

Hi Everyone!

Today’s topic is slightly uncomfortable even for me, and I rarely admit that I want to talk about going to get tested for STD’s. For most young women and men, it is an uncomfortable topic, but it shouldn’t be. Getting tested regularly is an exceptionally healthy habit, especially when starting a new relationship, or ending a relationship.

Society has made us believe it is something uncomfortable and weird, or something only “high risk” people should be doing. I once asked a nurse what high risk meant because she had told me I wasn’t in a high-risk group, I wanted to know exactly what she meant. She said it meant people who were sex workers, people from countries with higher rates of std’s, and drug addicts. I’m sure the list went on, but those were the main ones she pointed out.

The first time I went to go get tested, the nurse told me I really didn’t need to do a blood test because I wasn’t in a high-risk group. I thought about it for a minute and decided I still wanted to do it because I genuinely believe it is essential to know what’s going on inside my body and making sure I am healthy in all aspects in my life. I respect myself too much not to get tested. I felt like I had to persuade her that this was the right choice for me.

Here is the break down you guys, you should be practicing safe sex till you and your partner get tested. By safe sex I mean using condoms, especially if you have multiple partners! Even after getting tested it is important to practice being safe.

Why you should get tested:

1. Worrying about it is much worse than knowing.

2. It does not mean your spouse cheated. You can get std’s, and they can stay in your system without treatment for quite some time.

3. It is not time-consuming. It is quick and easy now.

4. Because respecting yourself and your partner will create a stronger relationship.

5. Sometimes there are no noticeable symptoms.

6. Because at some point you will have sex and it’s okay to play it safe.

7. You can choose to be healthy.

I have talked to my friends openly about getting tested, and I generally think the more open I am about what happens the more likely they are to make healthy life choices too. This topic should not be a taboo in society, since when did health become so embarrassing to talk about? This is 2019, young women can have sex and get tested, young men can have sex and get tested, it’s part of the natural cycle. Keeping this topic on the down low doesn’t help anyone at all. Pretending the younger generations won’t have sex is making an active choice to turn a blind eye. The only way to spread awareness is to talk openly about issues that are deemed shameful.

Dating Myself

Hi all!

In my last blog post, I briefly mentioned that I have been taking myself out a lot. I love having a certain amount of “me time,” and I have been making it a priority to take myself out without my boyfriend because I love independence. I see a lot of young ladies get into new relationships and totally absorb the other person into their life. To be honest, that is an incredibly deadly habit, I have no need to see someone every single day, and I hated when I didn’t have a choice. As a young lady or a young man, you can have the freedom to take yourself out, spoil yourself, have a day where it’s just you are shopping, in fact, it’s incredibly healthy.

I would never dream of taking myself out when I was any of my ex’s. They would accuse me of cheating or being with someone or doing something I wasn’t supposed to do. So, for a whole year, I cut out things that I really enjoyed. Like eating out alone, shopping alone, and watching movies alone. If I went shopping, I felt like I had to sneak it, I felt like I was doing something terrible, I couldn’t spend a whole day at my hair salon without being judged and accused, and it was toxic.

Now I am on a dating kick. I set one day aside for myself, I go out and shop by myself for hours, I go get my hair done for 6 hours and don’t have to worry about angry texts, I go to dinner and enjoy a five-course meal and two glasses of wine. I see movies and can enjoy every second of it without being interrupted.

It is incredibly important to put aside at least one day for yourself, and I know most of the young ladies who are reading this feel like they don’t have the opportunity. But you need to create opportunities for yourself, if you have kids and a husband, have your husband watch the kids for three hours if you feel like your boyfriend wouldn’t like this, then he may not be the man for you.

Dating yourself means:

1. You don’t have to compromise

2. You don’t have to face judgment on how much you spent on that one day

3. You learn how to be independent

Dating yourself is sexy as hell, and it should not stop even when you do date, someone. Learning to be active on your own is one of the most attractive things about anyone. Learning to make connections on your own is one of the best skills to have, and if a man or woman feels like dating yourself is wrong or unimportant, quite simply put, they are insecure, and you’re better off without.

When I started seeing this new guy, I made it perfectly clear, that I would want one day alone, to do what I need to be mentally healthy and prepare for the next week. I made it clear I will take myself out, and I will spoil myself because I can. Instead of judging me or telling me no, he said to me it was refreshing to find a lady who does indeed put herself. First, he encouraged me to go out and be who I want when I want. For that, I do believe he is one of the best men I have ever dated, he has already taught me 100x more than any ex ever has.

Loving myself, and dating myself, has never been easier.

Restaurant Review


Lately, I have been spoiling myself and taking myself out, something I would never have dreamed of doing worried I would be accused of cheating. But I have decided every young lady should go out and enjoy time to herself. As it turns out, I love eating at a 5-star restaurant alone, watching a good movie alone and book shopping by myself, and my boyfriend loves that I can go out and spoil myself.

These past few weeks I have tried a few new restaurants, and if you are around the New England area, specifically Portsmouth I have a few recommendations and a few I would not recommend. At each restaurant, I like to order a few small plates and one big plate.

The very first restaurant I tried was called Poco’s located on Two Ceres Street in Portsmouth, it is a tiny Mexican place down behind my work, and my god they made some strong margaritas! Be careful when ordering from here because their portions are incredibly large, at the dinner, I ended up having avocado fries, nachos and a lobster avocado salad which was to die for. Overall this place was great for people watching, it near the waterfront and people love to go there on dates to enjoy some simple Mexican food with a lot of fresh lobster mixed in. I will give them a second chance because I heard the steak tips are to die for, and I haven’t had the chance to try them yet.

The second restaurant I recently tried was called River House, located on 53 Bow street in Portsmouth. This place wasn’t the best I have ever been. I had a glass of their house red wine, Sautéed mussels, a salmon burger, and strawberry cheesecake. The wine was delicious; unfortunately, it tasted like the salmon burger may have been packaged instead of freshly made. The mussels were delicious, and I would highly recommend trying them. The strawberry cheesecake didn’t seem to have any real strawberry on top which was highly disappointing, but it did taste like strawberry.

The last restaurant I tried was called Moxy located on 106 Penhallow street in Portsmouth. It looks like a little hole in the wall, but inside it’s finally decorated, a bar below and a dining area on top. Deep red walls and olive-green accent walls. This place serves smaller plates called tapas, and they recommend starting with three dishes; naturally I got four. I began with beets that were topped with olive oil, roasted sunflower seeds and a sunflower paste on the bottom, not only was it delicious but the presentation was terrific. I then ordered a Portsmouth rarebit which was a local favorite, it had anadama bread with beer cheese, apple, and onion on top. The food itself smelled heavenly and had a lovely crunch to each bite. The next thing I had was fried clams, and this came on a cute wooden platter, the presentation was excellent, and it tasted heavenly, served with Dijon mustard sauce underneath the shish kabob fried clams. The Last thing they brought out to me was an orange ricotta cake. Oh my it was delicious the texture was to die for, and the real orange peel on top of the cake was so zesty and vibrant I was incredibly happy with the service and food from Moxy.

The last place I want to mention isn’t a restaurant but a new bakery in Downtown Portsmouth. Our beloved coffee shop that was a staple in Portsmouth has closed, and many people are looking for a new café to get their sweets and treats from. Elephantine Bakery is located on 10 Commercial Alley, it is a little hole in the wall with a wall of windows on the corner of the alley. It has tables outside creating the perfect small space to chit chat with friends. They currently do not have a website with a menu, but they are working on it. They bake all sorts of bread, cookies, croissants, and marshmallow goodness. Admittedly I have not tried any drinks there, but I am looking forward to going and trying some of the new things they have. They even started making lunch sandwiches! I highly recommend stopping in to check it out also if it’s just to say hello to the employees, everyone has been incredibly friendly!

I am going to try a few more places in the near future,

1. Cava (another tapas restaurant) located on commercial alley in Portsmouth.

2. Oar House located on 55 Ceres street in Portsmouth.

3. The Wilder located on 174 Fleet street in Portsmouth.

4. STREET located on 801 Islington street in Portsmouth.

5. The Goat (for cocktails) Located on 142 Congress street in Portsmouth.

If you have any recommendations for anywhere round the New England area, I would love to hear them! It has been exciting meeting new people and experiencing new foods that I wouldn’t have tried on the West Coast.

Breaking Society.

Hello everyone!

The holidays have been super busy, and I have decided to keep you all updated on what’s been happening in my life.

I am currently on a social media/slash phone break. I realized instead of spending time with family, I was just making it LOOK like I was spending time with my family. I woke up one day and thought to myself, why the hell am I not really living life? Yes, I can take pictures but why do I need societies approval of what I’m doing every second of my life? Why do I feel like I have to share all of the best moments with thousands of strangers? Why can’t I cherish moments as they come? Why do I feel like I can’t connect with people in person?

Before now, I was never really allowed to take breaks from social media even though it’s mentally necessary sometimes. I realized, that right there should have been a deal breaker, instead of encouraging me to go against social norms my ex made it seem like it was a weird, and unhealthy thing to stop being on social media.

If I wasn’t on Facebook, Snapchat or Instagram, he would tell me I fell off the grid, or I was out doing shady shit, and in reality, I’m not that type of person at all he just never bothered to get to know me. He created a version of me in his head, and that was his truth of me, the truth he saw on those social media platforms. It was wrong, he was wrong about me, and I have decided to take a break by deactivating all my social media accounts. This has helped me find a better truth about myself that I really don’t need to prove to anyone else. In return this has helped REAL people in my everyday life get to know me. Instead of checking what I did today on Instagram they are forced to ask me how my day was.

It has been about a week of deleting everything, I still have Snapchat to talk to friends and family, and I have a home phone I have been using, and dang the whole thing is liberating. I have saved my time and money by doing this. I won’t have a phone bill for January, I have stopped talking and having utterly meaningless conversations with people, and more importantly, I have stopped comparing myself to unhealthy expectations of life.

I am currently seeing a man and getting to know him for him instead of checking everything he has ever posted, seeing every place he has ever been; instead, I am asking questions because this time I actually don’t know the answers. I have found that he is one of the most beautiful people I have ever met, and instead of “proving it” through social media, he shows it in person. At first this idea was totally odd and uncomfortable. Instead of me already knowing the answers about his day, I have to ask him questions, I get his real version of the day, there are no silly miscommunications over messages because we are talking. I can hear his voice, see his eyes, and I see him for him not for whatever he portrays on social media.

Every night I would get on my phone and compare myself to thinner ladies wishing I could be them, looking at their outfits that would never fit me, a beauty routine I could never afford, and a life I just could not live. I was living in a different world and sabotaging my own life without even realizing it. I felt like I needed more because I didn’t have what they had, I felt like I had to work double hard to make extra money to afford things the Instagram models shared on their feeds.

So instead of continuing a toxic habit, because it’s “normal,” I cut it all out. I finally said enough. NO, I will not sit in bed and compare myself to photoshopped girls on social media, I AM FUCKING BEAUTIFUL. NO, I will not chat with people online, I WILL CONNECT IN PERSON AND USE MY WORDS. I will smile at my own beautiful chaos in the REAL WORLD. I will live life without feeling the need to share my every move, and those who genuinely want to know can come to get coffee with me, they can stop by my store and visit me, they can come to my house and get to know me. Instead of appearing like an open person on social media, I have decided I WILL be an open person in real life. My actions will match the person I tried to portray myself as on my feed.

The life people create on Facebook and Instagram is not real. They try to put their best versions out there, but that’s not who they are, that’s not how they feel. If you place an Instagram influencer in a room full of real people,
#1 They probably won’t know how to connect.
#2 If they do connect it’s going to be with someone who has the right looks for selfies, they won’t actually share any spiritual connection.
#3 It is incredibly awkward not to know how to talk to people, and to only focus on an app.

I encourage people to take breaks from their toxic habits, be willing to change, take risks even if something small seems scary. Make an active choice and stick with it. I have more time on my hands, this doesn’t mean I can’t take pictures, it just means I finally have time to get my images printed and create a fantastic photo album. It doesn’t mean I can’t blog, it means I have to spread the news about my blog by talking to others in real life, it doesn’t mean I can’t get to know someone, it means I get to know someone for who they are in person. Instead of looking at all the reasons why you can’t, look at all the ways it can be good for you.

Lastly make sure whatever choice you choose, whatever habit you make or break, it’s one that will help you realize you’re worth everything the universe gives you, helps you realize that you are a fantastic individual, and helps you live your own real life. Make sure the choices your make help you move toward the person you are meant to be.

Sunshine Blogger Award!

Hello Everyone,

I have some amazing news to share, I have been nominated for my first Sunshine Blogger Award. Since I started blogging, I have always wondered how these awards work, and now I finally feel like I’m part of some inner circle when it comes to blogging.

I want to thank popsiclesociety for nominating me and will leave my list of nominations at the bottom of the page. How this award works is the blogger who chooses me gets to ask me any questions, I answer them, and then I nominate 5-11 other bloggers I think deserve this award too.
The sunshine blogger award goes to other bloggers who are creative, positive and inspiring!

The rules:

Thank the blogger who nominated you!

Use the “Blogger Sunshine Award” logo on your post and list the rules.

Answer the 11 questions that the selector asks of you.

Nominate 5-11 bloggers you want to give the award to.

Ask the following bloggers 11 questions of your own.

Q&A from popsiclesociety:

1. Do you think that we are alone in the universe?
I think this is a difficult first question, I don’t think we are the only living organisms in this entire universe, but I don’t know if there are other living beings that look and talk like us in outer space. I do believe somewhere there are bacteria and maybe even a type of plant waiting for us to find.

2. What makes you feel happy?

Simple things. My sisters’ freckles and gap-tooth grin, my dog wagging her tail and looking back at me, the smell of moms bacon sizzling on the frying pan. Walking through the town square smelling burned coffee on the crisp, chilly air. Looking up at the sky that’s always changing but always beautiful. I’m that person who stops to smell every flower even when it makes me sneeze or lays in the grass to look up at the clouds, I stare too long at someone I love because those are the things that make me happy. Not just one thing.

3. Do you smile every day?
Oh yes, I smile every day. My whole life is full of joy and laughter. I love joking and being sarcastic, and my family is like that too. My job is full of giggles so hard our tummy’s hurt, my home is filled with a child’s laughter and a dog barking.

4. Do you like traveling?
I love to travel. Well no I hate the traveling part, but I like to meet new people and experience new places. I love to eat different foods and see different colors and views of the world. I never really remember a place I have been, but I remember the colors I see. When I close my eyes and think of the places, I look at the colors that flash behind my eyes and those colors are what I am addicted to when I travel.

5. If you are a gentleman when was the last time you gave flowers to a lady and if you are a lady when was the last time you received flowers from a gentleman?
Why do I have to receive flowers from a man? I haven’t gotten flowers from a man or women in a very long time, my ex never gave me any even though I so badly wanted them, but I buy myself flowers and plants. Life is about the lens we choose to see through, the colors we want to look at, and I think having plants and flowers in your room really help start your day off good.

6. What motivates you to keep going every day?
I swear it’s the little things in life. My little sister, as annoying as she is, she is my biggest fan. I come home, and she calls my name and even when I had a long, brutal day I give her a hug and a kiss and I know I’m home safe ready to take on another day. It’s my dog whining for attention letting me know everyone supports me. They are what keeps me going in this chaotic world.

7. How do you keep up with your blog and your followers? Do you have enough time?
I feel like I never have enough time, I stay up late, wake and up early. Lately, I have been getting up working out, and then I’ll write and check my blog. Sometimes I focus more on the book I am writing than my actual blog, but lately, I have been finding a solid balance between work, reading, writing for me and writing for my blog. It’s been a challenge, but I am finally developing good habits for my writing and life in general.

8. Between becoming a cyborg or dying what would you choose?
I would choose to die. I truly believe when it’s somebodies time to go they know it, and they are ready for it. I mean this isn’t the case for some people, I know that there are horrible things that happen in this world and someone may not be ready to go, but I do think things happen for a reason and I think the universe has some chaotic plan that I am supposed to go along with.

9. Are you a curious person?
I would like to think so. I think things and ideas can be magical and I’m always to find out what magic makes them work.

10. What’s your favorite food?
I have this undying love for pita bread, vegetables, and hummus. I could eat this meal every single day of my life if I could.

11. Have you ever been to Antarctica?
No, I have not been to Antarctica, and I’m not sure I would want to go. There are a lot of rules there, and I wouldn’t want to ruin any habit for an animal accidentally.

The bloggers that I choose:




A Dude Abikes


Questions from me to you!

1. What is the story behind your blog name?

2. What is your blogs goal or mission statement?

3. What is your biggest pet peeve?

4. Do you have any routines throughout the day that help you write?

5. Daily, what small things inspire you?

6. What is something you fear the most in life?

7. If you had a choice between dying and living the same day over on repeat, which would you choose?

8. Would you rather be rich and super unhappy or poor and incredibly happy?

9. What are some of the goals you hope to accomplish this year?

10. What puts a smile on your face even when you’re in a foul mood?

11. What is something you would like to pass on to the next generation? (an idea, a skill, recipe, anything goes)

I am so excited to read your answers!

Workout Winter!

My latest workout routine,

Lately, I have been on a total health kick, this doesn’t just mean eating well, but it meant adjusting my workout routine too. I’ve become focused on health throughout my entire body, not one specific place. I think one of my last posts was miscommunicated and here is why.

I told my readers I wasn’t focused on diets, that was one of my goals this year, what I meant by that was I’m not going to focus on fad diets. Rather than starve myself for a week or only eating 100 calories every three hours, I am going to focus on good whole foods and count my calories. I want to make it clear, counting your calories and watching what you eat IS NOT A DIET IT’S A LIFESTYLE.

I have really focused on what I am eating and what makes me feel good. On the other side of the is the workouts I have been doing, and I’d like to share with you some of my favorite exercises!

1. Mountain Climbers

Mountain Climbers

2. Kettle-bell squats

kettlebell squats
Kettle Bell Squats

3. Planks


4. Russian Twists

russian twists
Russian Twists

5. Walking uphill on the treadmill for 40 minutes


I usually do this full workout routine on Sundays, Tuesday, and Thursdays. Then on Mondays and Wednesdays, I walk for 30 minutes uphill. It has been a lot of work staying motivated enough to do this fitness routine, but it has been worth it. I am starting to notice differences in my appearance and feeling more confident in my body. I realize I will never be model thin, but I will be able to be a good wait for my height and body type.

What are some of your motivation tips for staying on track? What are some of your favorite workouts?

Connections and Coffee

Having Coffee with me,

If we were to have coffee, I would take you to my little coffee corner shop, that has the best hazelnut coffee. We would stand in line, and you would notice that I get a ceramic mug instead of a to-go cup. I’d turn to you and tell you I enjoy sitting and tasting my coffee if the time is available. You would order behind me, and I would sneakily pay for both drinks, after-all I was the one who invited you.

I would go over to where the cream is and actively avoid it going straight for the low-calorie sweetener instead, you might tell me it’s terrible for me, I would nod my head like I am super concerned and yet still dump two packs into my mug with a smile.

If it were summer, I would insist on sitting outside, I would choose a table I could see the crosswalk and both nearest bars, and hopefully a table that would also allow me to see the front door. Id set my purse down and sit on the rickety chair immediately getting comfortable. You may struggle with the old chairs, and that’s okay they get time to get used to, they aren’t exactly meant for comfort.

I would give you a small smile and turn my attention to everyone around us. I would tilt my head and listen to the ongoing drunk conversations of desperate college girls. I would look at the newlyweds already drunk and arguing, I would judge the girls walking in stilettos on brick, and I would smile at the group of recovering alcoholics drinking coffee.

Finally, I would grab my mug, inhale deeply, close my eyes, and gulp down my bittersweet coffee. I’d open my eyes and look at you. I’d turn my attention to you and ask all the uncomfortable questions you don’t want to be asked. Why don’t you talk to your mother? What are your fears? Are you lonely? Do you unconsciously choose to be alone? Tell me what you believe that others don’t? What is something you want but your family is against? Why does your eye twitch, is it from too much coffee? Is it from stress? From this you would either walk away from me or be intrigued, you would also find out I can be just as open if I feel our connection.

You would ask me questions, and I would be open, but if I genuinely felt a connection, a spark of magic, I would have fun and joke around. I would tell you funny stories, you would see my sarcastic playful side, you would see unbound humor that can make some uncomfortable. You would see how passionate I am about life. I’ve always felt deeply, I’ve always felt emotions to the very core of my body. If we spark, we will ignite the earth with our friendship.

You would then realize, form the very first moment our eyes met I was judging you. Not in a wrong way, I was asking myself questions. Do I feel comfortable you? Can I laugh easily with you? Can I look into your eyes and see depth? Do I feel a sense of honesty from you? Do I see a passion, a spark within you? Depending on these answers, we may or may not have coffee again. It is not a win or fail test, it is me being able to decide for myself who I would like to be friends with.

Even if I never see you again, it was a pleasure to sit with you, it was a pleasure to observe others with you. Life is about connection, some connection is forced, and harsh, other relationships are easy and meant to be. I aim to have real connections with everyone if I don’t feel like we are meant for each other in some way I won’t try to force our relationship, and neither should you. At the end of our time, I would expect you to be as open and honest as I am.

In this world of grey, I try to make my emotions transparent, I genuinely try to be a good person, and I try to share my happiness with others. So, after drinking coffee, I would take my mug inside to the baristas, wave at them with a smile, walk back outside toward you. Give you a hug even if we don’t see each other again it was worth meeting someone new. At the end of it all, I would hope that you see there are still good people, and I would hope that you give more people a chance, trying to find the most real, most authentic connections possible.

My Favorite Bloggers!

Hello everyone!

Today I wanted to give a shout out to my favorite bloggers who inspire me daily. The blogs I try to read every day or any time they post because I love their writing, the tips they share, and the inspiration they give. Here is the list of blogs I read and keep up with, I kept it to a few though I try to read a lot more and try my hardest to keep up with all my followers and their vlogs as well.

1. Carrots ‘N’ Cake– This is my favorite to read when I need advice on food or exercises for a new workout routine. The writer (Tina) even includes images and videos that show you how to do each exercise and it really helps me stay motivated throughout the week to keep working out.

2. Olivia Rink– I first found this blog through Instagram and fell in love with her office space, I got so hooked on her home décor photos that I started reading her blog. She has everything from petite fashion, to fitness, to home décor. I am obviously in it for the home décor; her small apartment is to die for.

3. Honestly WTF– Is one of my favorites to read when I need a good DIY (Do It Yourself) project. The pictures are fun to look at, and one day I hope my blog can look as put together as this one.

4. Hanna Travels– I love this girl! She travels all over the world and has a true sense of herself. I would love to see the places she has been, and I aspire to be as carefree and courageous as her.

5. WhyToStop– First I love her blog name, she has everything from fitness tips, to style, to weight loss, and even advice on relationships. If you’re on WordPress often, check out her site, she has some excellent posts that may help you get through a difficult time.

6. The Diary Of Ellie– I love the style and theme of her WordPress blog, she is one of the blogs I read when I need new beauty ideas or skincare tips.

7. Damsel In Dior– I love the theme of her WordPress site, and I aspire to make my page look as clean and cut like hers. She has everything from lifestyle to fashion and beauty.

8. Nerd Fitness– This is one of the last blogs I try to keep up with. I love that they have advice that’s usable in every day normal lives and not just for super thin Instagram models.

There you have it folks, my shout outs to the blogs I read, and hope you all get a chance to check them out. Also feel free to comment your favorite blogs to read, I would love to check them out.