Secrets Of a Pissed Off Barista

People seem to think being a barista is easy, but those people are wrong. There is no easy job, you will always have to deal with weird, angry people, you will always have to put in effort, and you will always have someone who is upset with you. So in reality being a barista, working at McDonalds, working at a library, or being a successful president of a company, are all hard jobs. All are equally shitty, and all will pay you less than you deserve. Adulthood sucks.

Being a Barista is mentally and physically demanding. Most people wouldn’t think being a barista is a very mental job, but in reality it is, and it’s hard. Every week I have to go through orders and figure out how much we are going to sell, I have to lead people into doing their best. Someone is always mad at me, or wants me to lead others a certain way and I have to figure out what is best for each individual person. I have to remain insanely calm even when there is pressure. The only people who can work with the public have extremely tough skin, and won’t let anything effect their job performance. People eventually take a toll on you.

My job is also super physical, which explains why my feet are always killing me at the end of the night. I walk at least six miles at work every day. I lift heavy boxes, and I run back and forth as fast as I can, all while keeping a smile on my face and giving the best service I can.

So after explaining my job, here are the not so secret, secrets, of a pissy barista:

  1. Every time you order a Frappuccino my soul dies a little.
  2. Your iced Cappuccino is a waste of my milk.
  3. I will charge you for the extra caramel sauce because the tube is more than my checks.
  4. I will never split up drinks for you, and I will give you the cheapest, smallest cup.
  5. I will secretly always side with my coworkers, because they are usually right, and you’re wrong.
  6. When I got home, I get drunk, and reenact the rude customers I had that day.
  7. We all laugh about the horrible customers in the back.
  8. If you don’t know your own drink order, I make what I think you will like.
  9. That one penny you left me as a tip, is probably long gone on the floor,
  10. If you repeat something more than twice, you may or may not be getting the opposite of what you asked for.
  11. I really don’t care if you’re entire day is “ruined” because of my actions. I just pretend like I care.
  12. It is my job to be super happy, and upsell you on everything. So don’t you dare be mean to me if I am doing my job.
  13. My bosses make more fun of the bad customers than I do. So you probably won’t want to talk to my managers.

All this being said, next time you go get coffee at your local shop keep these things in mind. Don’t be rude when the baristas upsell you, and don’t pity them because of their job. Being a barista in a busy coffee shop has taught me more skills, and life lessons than any other job I have ever had. It is by far the hardest and most rewarding job.

What I am, And What I’m not.

Sometimes I feel like my job confuses other people. I always thought being a barista would be simple, but in reality most of the time it’s a job of confusion, chaos and not knowing where I stand with my customers. People confuse my job with others and I have no clue how they get the idea that I am more than a barista.

What I am:

I am your local barista- This means I will make you the drink you desire, smile at you, and wait for a tip that I never get.

I am a Café Lead- This means I help my team do their absolute best, and encourage them to reach sale goals, and support them through whatever problem they have. I also try my damn best to keep the café well and running while my manager is gone.

What I can be:

I CAN be your friend- This does not mean I am friends with ALL my customers, this means the few people I like get to be called friend. Good for those guys, it’s a tough job to be my friend.

What I am NOT-

I am NOT your slave- Yes I make your drinks, but I do not cater to your every command. If you want me to wait on you hand and foot, that won’t happen, I serve hundreds of people a day and I will not be waiting on you.

I am NOT- A cook. If I get that one more time I might lose my shit. I do not make your food, I do not touch your nasty food with my hands. It comes frozen and I stick it in a oven that costs more than my life, for you to eat. I do not “COOK” anything. I am a barista, I like coffee, anything more than a frozen sandwich is too much for me.

I am NOT your therapist- If you ask me whether or not you should dump your boyfriend, I will say yes, you should, and my answer will not be one of a professional because I am not your therapist. I will say the answer that I think may screw up your life, because I find it ridiculous that you need my advice… and it makes me laugh. Drink your coffee and talk about your daddy issues elsewhere. Slurp down that frappe and don’t talk to me about your personal life. I am only paid to look interested.

I am NOT your doctor- “Is a sugar cookie okay to eat if I have diabetes?” UHHHHH probably not, I advise against it… but how the hell should I know? All I know is I have sales goals to hit, so yes, yes it is completely okay for a diabetic to have a sugar cookie with extra sugar and maybe some caramel sauce on top…

I am Not your local Starbucks girl- Yes I serve Starbucks coffee…. but I work at Barnes and Noble café…. can you read the store name you just walked into… oh, no? Well it’s a bookstore you could probably find a book on how to read…. My cups say “Starbucks, Barnes and Noble Café” I have a sign that says “We are not a Starbucks”. Usually when I say this the customer looks at the ceiling for an answer. Yes all my signs will be on the ceiling, please keep looking up there, and maybe go cross eyed while you’re at it.

In all fairness I wrote this on a really bad work day. But sometimes it’s good to vent about these ridiculous things. I also feel a lot better after writing this. I look back through-out my day and laugh, because working with people can be so amusing. I am 100% sure my “therapy” advice has ruined at least three relationships, I can only imagine those conversations. I am also 100% sure people who ask me for health advice have been really disappointed once they’ve gone to a real doctor.

The truth is I love my job, my store is like a giant family, and we all sit in the back room laughing at all the people that walk in. I have never been so at home, or relaxed with a job before. Yes there are extremely stressful parts, but that’s just life. This job continues to teach me more, and more valuable skills every day that I work.

Adulting Sucks, But Maybe I Can Help.

For the last two weeks I have been extremely exhausted, and stressed. I work a little over forty hours a week and I deal with some of the worst people possible. Late at night I have been thinking of my family, was my mom this exhausted? Was she this stressed out with her first real job? How did she make it through the day with out screaming at someone?… Will my little sister feel like me at some point in her life? The answer is.. she probably will feel overwhelmed and totally out of place when she is an adult.

Being a new adult is totally different than how I imagined it. I went from being a horny teenager in college, partying my ass off with no responsibilities, straight to full blown adult with out the help of money from the family…. Do you know how bad that sucks? It sucks hard core. People expect me to behave like an adult, pay taxes, and be respectful to assholes when I would love to spit in their drinks and flip them all off.

I can barely handle it how will my sister do? She is only five but I can see she is already way more hot headed than I am, way more sassy, and already extremely stubborn. One night I started thinking about all the things she should know when she is 20-21.

  1. Don’t take drinks from strangers. Watch it come from the bartender to you.
  2. Please don’t get so shit-faced you have sex with a strange man while your ass is hanging out the window… it’s not classy.
  3. Taxes suck, but when you make enough, just do them.
  4. You may be tired after work… but just take a damn shower. You will feel much better afterwards… and while you’re at it do the laundry.
  5. When you are 20, don’t think you will get the job of your dreams, it doesn’t work like that. Work your ass off, move up in a good company, gain skills, and go to school. You will get where god meant for you to go.
  6. Never give up hope, and never lose faith. Things will get to a point where you want to cry and give up, but don’t.
  7. Always talk to your mom and dad. Never be embarrassed. I have been so embarrassed to talk to mom and it never helped me, talking to her is what helps.
  8. Remember to say I love you to everyone. I used to forget to say it all the time, our grandparents are bat-shit crazy, but you never know if it’s the last time you get to see them.
  9. Fall in love with yourself and everyone else. I have met people who are so drained and unhappy. Don’t turn out like them, love every thing you do and every minute of it. Fall in love with amazing people and even if they leave at the end, never regret it.
  10. Do whatever you want. Don’t fall to the standards of society because those people suck major balls in life.
  11. Lastly, always know that I will be there for you. I would burn this world down to see you happy, never forget you have an amazing family that will support you. Growing up is hard. I am here to try and make it better for you.

One day I will show her this, when she understands more. When life gets rough and she breaks down. I wanted a sister forever, I begged my mom for years, I broke down when I found out my moms baby would be a little girl. When she grows into an adult, hopefully she will have an easier time adjusting than me. Maybe she will listen to me, but probably not. These tips may not help the need to scream at people, but they will help her life over all. I still have trouble controlling my emotions, but after talking to my mom about it, I usually feel much better, knowing your family supports you can make a whole situation feel completely different. One day she will understand, and I can’t wait to see who she grows up to be.

Daily Grind #1

Last weekend I had the pleasure of going home to visit my family, I haven’t seen them in a few months and I really missed them. My mom and I got to talking and she gave me a great idea of writing a piece about all my really good customers, the people who come in every day. I have three favorite customers, and I always sit there and listen to what they talk about to other people. I sit and imagine what their lives are like based on how they talk to others. I will not be using any names, I find that rude, instead I will be using their drink orders. I know those by heart.

-Mr. Venti, Non-Fat, Sugar Free, Decaf, Mocha.

My mocha man, he comes in every morning and orders pretty much the same thing every time. He always leaves a dollar every time he comes up, and he comes up about four times in the mornings. I love working when he is there. He sits in the middle, largest table with his fancy lap top and types for a few hours, week day. Occasionally he will talk to some of the people around him. Mocha man is so incredibly nice it’s hard to be angry when he is around. He has a way of making you think, smile, and getting you to open up. He was a former principle at an elementary school, and he will always tell you going into education is bad, unless you are dying to teach. His son went to Stanford University, and now visits Mocha man once a month. Mocha man wears a wedding ring, but I have only met his wife once, and she is unhappy. She smiles but her smile doesn’t reach her eyes. Mocha man tells me he is a writer, he retired and did something to make him happy. I admire him for this, how many people can say they are doing what they love? Not many.

-Mr. Brownie and Coffee.

Now all of my coworkers think Brownie is one of the meanest people who come to the cafe, but I don’t. I see a man who has a bad marriage but stuck around for his kid, a man whose wife doesn’t remember him, and a man who needs to escape the sadness for an hour every day. He is grumpy, and old, he sits in the farthest table, near the window, to play Sudoku. He walks in , and right away I get his small coffee ready and his brownie on a plate with a napkin and a fork. I watch him struggle with his little Sudoku books, I watch as he looks at the time, I watch him breathe a huge unhappy sigh, and I watch him bring his dishes to me. He sits the plate down, pushes his glasses up his nose, and does a little ironic smile, thanking me for making his life easier. But only for that brief hour. My coworkers see a grumpy man, I see a sad man who needs some chocolate.

-Mrs. Grand, Soy, Latte.

This lady probably doesn’t speak much English, and I think she orders the only thing she knows how to say really well, and I am okay with that. I complimented her once on her purple, sparkly sweater, and ever since that day she comes in wearing the same exact sweater, ordering the same exact drink. Every day around 3pm I see her walk in from the left side of the parking lot, and I go to the espresso machine to make her drink so it is ready for her. Every other week she walks around the book floor, but never comes back with any books. She sits on the left side of the café, near a big window, and stares outside. I asked her what her nationality was, and she told me Chinese. She has a wedding ring, a plain, small band. She has a very short hair cut, and very sharp teeth. I always watch her wondering what she thinks about? I know she does not like men serving her, she stares with disgust at my coworkers and I can tell she is uncomfortable. I wonder if that’s a sign of what happens at home, or if that is how she was raised. At 4:30pm she grabs her purse, sometimes she waves to me, other times she just walks out of the café. I see her go to her black little car, and I watch as she pulls out and drives away.


These are the best customers I have, they keep me sane, I know when they come in, I know what they will order, and how they will act. The daily repetition keeps my day in sync, they are now part of my daily routine. I’m not sure if my coworkers pay as much attention as I do, or if it is just me that watches so closely. I don’t assume I watch and I listen. I look into their eyes and try to see what they see. I try to be as understanding as possible, and try to show how much I appreciate them every day I work.


Out of Time.

Do you ever think of a million things to stress over, every second of the day? I feel like that every day of my life, I go over things in my head that probably won’t matter in the long run, or even tomorrow.

I will have a day off and stress about school and the things that need to be done, or think about all the things that I need to do for school. Then after I make a list of things to do, I sit and stress about work and everything else in life.

I think about how there are ten leaks in my café, I worry about if the guys will take care of it while I am gone. I worry about the steaming hot back room, that will melt all my Easter chocolates. I worry about the bake case and if everyone will make sure to upsell. My mind will not keep still, I have never been able to just relax.

Everyone tells me to get off my phone, that will help. Can we be honest? Those people are fucking idiots, they have never had anxiety, they have never had so much going on inside of them they couldn’t relax. Sure I am on my phone, not all day, and getting off my phone wont help my mind relax. Why does my phone have to do with me relaxing? I will still be thinking about everything all at once, on or off my phone.

There are times when I just break down, my job is so stressful and I deal with so many angry teenagers, by the time I get home I shut down. When another person gets on my case about something, at home? I cry. It’s so hard being an adult, I am trying my best and most of the time is doesn’t seem like it’s good enough. People don’t want my best they want more from me. It is almost as if the world wants me to think about 100 things at all times and be angry.

I won’t ever let these emotions get the best of me, I will always try my best, and I will make the best of this life. If I let worries get to me, I won’t have such a great life. My life isn’t all I imagined but it’s pretty damn good. I will always go a million miles an hour, but learning how to cope with it is something I am learning. One day I will be able to let all my worries go, and things in life will be easy, but today isn’t that day.


Lying Comes Easy.

One of my biggest fears is telling the truth, lying is so much easier. Yes, that sounds absolutely awful, but everyone has a demon right? Everyone has something bad about themselves that they are trying to work on. Mine is lying. I have gotten better, but I am not 100% honest yet.

I am that person who will literally dig her own grave and you can watch me sink lower and lower as I wave goodbye. This year (and part of last year) I have been working on being honest, and finding out why I lie. People  have different reasons for lying, most reasons are something along the lines of “I don’t want to get caught.” My reasons are the same I suppose, but they also go deeper than that.

Ever since I was a kid I have been afraid of letting my family down. I was shy, quiet, and normally a really good kid. On the rare occasion I was naughty I would lie about it, till I got caught of course, and then I always felt so bad I would cry. There was one day in grade school where I came home and my mom asked me about my friends, I realized I didn’t really have anyone I connected with. So I started making up friends and telling stories. Of course my mom knew I was lying, but she never said anything.

I lie to seem better, I lie to keep up appearances, I lie so I won’t have to hurt anyone, and I suppose I lie because the truth usually hurts people and I can see that. I know what people want to hear, I can see it in their body language and I can give them those answers. I guess that is one of my major down falls, I want to be the nice person, that tells funny stories, and can get a long with everyone.

I made a deal with someone that I would stop lying, or at least work on it. Two years ago the grave I dug was probably 20 feet deep and now I can proudly say it is a foot deep. I know that isn’t great, but one day I will be on even ground with everyone else. I still fib here and there but I usually catch myself, and I apologize for it now, instead of getting upset about it.

I’ve been through so much in my life, and I know I can do better. If I hadn’t started trying to be better I wouldn’t have such a good life right now. I would be stuck with an abusive guy, drug addict friends and pretending (lying) that everything was okay. Right now my life is amazing, I couldn’t ask for a better home, a better job, or a better family. I got this all by working on myself, being a better person, and learning how to love the truth and to tell it.

One of the hardest things to do in life is admit you have a problem, and the second hardest thing to do is to commit to work on that problem. BUT if you can, I promise it will make a difference, and your life will turn around and become paradise.

Barista Problems.

Being a barista is one of the best jobs you can have, while in college. You can get great tips, meet the best people, meet the funniest people, and you can drink coffee all day long. Which is amazing when pulling all nighters. Unfortunately there are some down sides to being a barista, you meet the cheapest people, you meet the rudest people, and you meet people who obviously have never had a sip of coffee in their entire lives.

  1. The Cheapos. These guys are number one on my hit list. Every day I get a man who is very short, has a lazy eye, and asks for water, well this would be fine but we charge .50 cents for water. This sounds ridiculous but California is going through a drought, and I could get fired by not charging for the water. Every morning this man, takes out .25 cents. I always tell him it isn’t enough. So he goes and BEGS all my other customers for money. After about 30 minute he comes back with a $1.75 which is enough for a small tea with a discount. I give him the discount even though he doesn’t have one because it’s easier than arguing with him. I give him his tea and he drinks it all up in about ten minutes, and comes back for a refill, now the refill is also .50 cents. He has the .50 cents on him but he asks me for a different drink, he always asks me for a small refill on a coffee. Every morning I explain to him that, this is not the way refills work, I can get him the same drink for .50 cents. After explaining this carefully, I give him his last tea for the day.
  2. The Rude Ones. These people might just be the worst. Who knew coffee could make someone so angry. The very first day on this job, I was ringing a lady up, and I was a little slow because I didn’t know how to ring up what she wanted, I had never worked with coffee before. I looked at her and smiled, told her sorry for the inconvenience I was new and learning. She looked at me and said “Make sure someone else makes my drink, I don’t need you fucking up.” Yes she really threw the F BOMB out there like that, and my face was bright red with embarrassment. I have never had a customer talk to me like that before, but when dealing with the public, you have to be prepared for this reaction. However rare it may be, people like this come up to you all the time. Being a barista teaches you to have more confidence in yourself.
  3. The Clueless Ones. These people are the least of my worries, If I talk to them for five minutes and it is clear they have no idea what they are talking about, I make the decision for them. One lady came up to me asking me for a hot Frappuccino, of course I explained those drinks were cold but I could make the same flavor she wanted as a latte. The answer I got from her was “Not what I want.” She really needed that hot Frappuccino. Another one of my customers came up to me one day and asked me for a cappuccino with no foam. Now the entire point of a cappuccino is to have extra foam, some people even ask for a spoon to eat all the foam. I told this customer that a latte would be cheaper, and it is exactly what she wanted. Unfortunately she insisted on being charged for a cappuccino, but with absolutely no foam. She even checked the receipt to make sure I charged her for the cappuccino.

Even with all these weird, rude customers, I really love my job. I have had some pretty cool jobs with fancy tittles, but none have taught me as many skills as this job has. I have learned to talk to people, not take shit from people, and reach my goals in sales. I have made great connections to people, that I probably would have never met with out this job, and I know my worth.  These are invaluable skills that I never had from my other jobs. I am now a lead, working my way up to assistant manager, and it is tough work. I’ve never had a job where there is room for growth, and now that I have this opportunity, there is absolutely no way I will give it up. So if you ever get this chance to be a barista, do it, and don’t regret it.

Why Lose Weight?

My mom once asked my why I needed to lose weight… The answer was, I am technically obese for my body shape, or at least that’s what the doctors say. So last year I was on a mission to lose weight, I became so obsessed and stressed over it, I gained weight. I checked the scale constantly and it controlled my life.  Image result for scale

IT IS SO HARD! It is hard to be healthy, I have cheat days where I eat a donut or two, have more than one corn dog, have a few shots of vodka, but for the most part I can’t eat that stuff on a daily basis. I wish I could.

One day my mom asked me why I don’t just buy bigger pants and eat whatever I want… I didn’t have an answer for that. I wanted to fit the blonde skinny stereotype everyone thinks I should be. I wanted to be “pretty” not necessarily healthy. Why can’t plus size be beautiful in our society?

Ever since that day, I have decided not to focus on being skinny, or being a size two. I’ve decided on focusing on feeling good about myself, being confident, and I think all women should have this mind set! I still work out a few times a week, I eat what makes me feel good, and I still get my steps in. I’m just not focused on the scale anymore. That is ten times healthier than I was, and there is no where to move but up.

I can go shopping in the normal lady sizes now, I have lost weight with out realizing it, and the scale is not controlling my life anymore. I am less stressed, and I am having more fun in my life than ever before.

If you’re ever feeling down about yourself, if you don’t feel good enough, if you have self image issues please talk to me! I understand how that feels, and it can seem hopeless, but it isn’t, you just need the strength to get through it, and I will always be there for anyone who asks for help!

Something New.

I know I write mostly about fashion, but something has been on my mind for months. I am hoping by writing about it, I might be able to relax a bit, and maybe feel a little bit better. I have seen others post open letters to their best friends, partners, and even parents. So now I want to try it, I doubt the person I am writing to will ever read this. On the off chance she does, I hope she understands everything I went through. So here we go.

Dear Ex Best friend,

It sounds so weird saying ex best friend, I thought you were my ride or die. I thought we were inseparable. I honestly thought we would grow old together and get matching tattoos that said “Fuck You!” Now we don’t even talk. All you care about is meth, or the next high.

For a long time I dealt with it, you told me you weren’t hooked to clear, told me it was just a party thing you occasionally do. I wanted to believe you so bad, then I realized people can’t do those drugs with out getting hooked. I carried you home, while you were falling and puking. I wiped your tears and held you when you were coming down. I took care of you.

You told me you would stop for me, that you wanted to be in my life, in my baby sisters life. But you couldn’t stop, you were too addicted, too far gone. I feel as if I failed you. We used to be two uptight pretty girls who had so much in common. Now you can barely keep a job, you won’t go home to people who love you, you steal from everyone, and you get into trouble. You have stolen money from me, you have stolen clothes to sell, and you have stolen from my family. You’re getting so messed up, and driving afterwards, do you know how dangerous that is? Of course you do, you crashed your car and ended up in the hospital.

Now if all this wasn’t bad enough, you’re pregnant, doing drugs. Do you even know who the dad is? Do you have a plan? If you couldn’t get clean for me, will you get clean for your future kids? Image result for drugs

The funny thing is, even with everything you’ve done to me, everything you’re doing to yourself… I would forgive you. I love you to death and would support you unconditionally if you just went to rehab. Get clean, stay clean for a year, show me commitment and I would help you through anything. But apparently that is impossible. So now the last memory I have of you and I together is of you passed out on a tweakers couch after shooting up, with all of my money.

I’m sorry best friend, I have failed you, I thought you were my ride or die.

Getting great skin is hard!

So for the last month I have been determined to get better skin. I have huge pores that I have been dying to get rid of. Since I started this crazy mission I have bought, six different types of facemask, three types of face wash and every type of lotion you can think of. I have tried Biore pore strips, Proactiv pore erasing lotion, and even some of Paula’s Choice face wash.

Image result for proactiv pore minimizer

The Biore strips do not work on me. I tried all eight strips, I let the, dry all the way till it looked crackly, pulled it off, and absolutely nothing happened. My pores were still there. The two best products I have tried happen to be a drug store product. It is a clay mask, bright green made from avocados and oatmeal. It is absolutely amazing. I use it once every few days and it really makes my pores smaller, and almost non existent. The next thing I use that really works is Proactiv Pore Targetting Treatment. This product is absolutely amazing and it really gets rid of all your pores. The only problem with this is it does dry out your skin if you use is every single day. I found that using it once or twice a week is the right amount to get rid of all pores and keep great skin that won’t flake. Image result for avocado oatmeal mask

The last thing I use is Olay Regenerist Luminous overnight mask. It says over night mask but it is an amazing moisturizer I put on every night and it helps heal all damages skin and does wonders. My boyfriends grandma used this and she had absolutely ageless skin for all of her life. So I decided to try it, and it is to die for. Image result for olay regenerist luminous gel