Communicating Effectively

Anyone who knows me well knows I have a tough time communicating under pressure, or when I get super emotional. I am the type of girl who feels so strongly, sometimes words can’t describe the pain or happiness I feel, so I stop talking. Or say the entirely wrong thing, my words always come out wrong.
In all my relationships, I have had this problem. I wasn’t able to effectively communicate at some of the most critical times. I didn’t have the tools, or knowledge to say precisely what I meant. In my defense, I am genuinely a good person, and I tried my best to avoid conflict because I hate any confrontation, partially because I don’t know how to talk my way through problems openly.
I’ve recently moved back in with my parents, and good lord the communication in the house is worse than mine has ever been. My dad is like Mr. Anti-communication, he refuses to talk about things, and totally gets pissed when we ask questions he doesn’t have the answers to. I am 100% like him.
Watching my parents, I have learned some good tools to deal with my communication problems. When I didn’t have all the answers people always said it was weird, or my answers didn’t make sense. WELL, they were right it didn’t make sense because I didn’t understand what was happening, and that is no reason for the other person to get suspicious or frustrated. The right answer is to help me find the answers, help me find the truth. My mom does this with my dad, and I would say 85% of the time when they work together to find answers to a situation, the communication always opens after both people understand what is happening.
The next thing I have learned from watching my parents is it’s okay to step back and breathe before saying something. Emotions run high in this house (mine included), and I notice both of my parents take a real step back and breathe for a minute before they say anything else. I haven’t ever done this; I am that person, when you accuse me or freak me out, I go off. Mostly because I don’t believe I did anything wrong, but I can’t explain that. I say the first thing on my mind, and it’s usually not what I mean. There are so many times I would have just breathed it out before saying anything, at work, at home, in school. This tool could have helped me so much through my teenage years; I wish I had learned these lessons earlier.
The third thing I have noticed is my mom listens… my dad sometimes does. I am a lot like my dad, I hear things, but it doesn’t necessarily connect. My mom tries her best to look from his point of view. I say I do this, but the damn truth is most of the time I can’t. I think this is something that comes with life experience, and age, I’m not there yet. I have tried to see a situation from someone else’s point of view, and I can’t because I am so focused on proving myself to them that I am clouded.
The last thing I learned is some important things can’t get worked out then and there, it might take a few days to find the answers or to come up with an agreement, but you can always hug and kiss before bed. I know people say, “don’t go to bed angry.” I agree, but I also know some things take a few days, and the best you can do is tell each other you love them, hold each other, and move past it for the moment.
I think these are essential tools for any relationships, whether it’s in school, work, or personal life, these are some of the tools you need to be good at communication. I’m not an expert by any means, and these are just a few things I have noticed and wanted to work on. I won’t be the most open person you know for a few years, but I can start taking small steps to get there. I find it way easier to write on my blog, where I can fully think about things, rather than in person. I know there is a lot more to learn, but that’s why we get such a long life, so we can keep learning every day.

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28 thoughts on “Communicating Effectively

  1. It’s strange some of the habits we pick up from our parents, but they have done a swell job at raising an incredibly good writer with good intentions. What else could you ask for? It’s been a long time uptight. I’m working on getting a short 9f mine published. Would love your feedback on my new short called The Writers Block. Hope to see you there

    Liked by 3 people

  2. I find it much easier to communicate through writing as well, for similar reasons as you. Since writing is a slower form of communication than speaking, it gives me more time to organize my thoughts and figure out how to say exactly what I mean. Unfortunately in “real life” people often expect an instant answer; if you don’t say what they want to hear 5 minutes ago they assume the worst.

    Communication is hard, especially when emotions are involved…which they always are to some degree.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Yes exactly, people want an answer right away, and I try to do that for them. Unfortunately I need the time to organize myself and say the right things. I am learning it’s okay not to respond right away. Either way the other person will be angry.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I saw that you followed my blog and had to come check out yours. You have the communication skills, for sure!! What really helps (and I’m 40-something but still working on it) in letting out the words you mean to let out instead of what’s there on the surface is meditation. Ever tried it? It helps to build your ability to listen, to let go of the thoughts that don’t suit your immediate needs, and to be more ‘clear’ about what it is you’re feeling in response to an event and how you want to handle it. It’s a discipline and a practice. I envy you that you have parents who are still together and know how to stay that way. I only had failing models of relationships to look at in my “growing up” life. Never saw one that was exactly what I wanted for myself. Could never stick with a dude like your dad who doesn’t want to express himself and gets angry if prompted. He’s super lucky to have a woman like your mom who deals with it and loves him through it. Thanks for sharing & for reading my junk.
    Wishing you lots of great communication & relationships.
    Maybe look into this fantastic body of work too: https://www.audible.com/pd/Self-Development/Nonviolent-Communication-Audiobook/B00TJJNSQG?source_code=GPAGBSH0508140001&cvosrc=ppc%20cse.google%20shopping.192854940&cvo_crid=167186479893&cvo_pid=43266138452

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I have been looking into meditation! I know it would help me a lot, even for other things. I am really lucky to have my parents in my life. They are good for me to watch! Thank you for stopping by I will definitely check those out!

      Like

  4. Hey UptightPrettyGirl! Thanks for subscribing to my blog today, super thankful! I’m happy your a part of the family and I’m sure you’ll go far with that powerful voice of yours. Ever tried public motivational speaking? Anyways, I’m grateful for the support!

    xx, Shreya

    Liked by 1 person

  5. We can learn actively from our parents or just taking their behaviour as a model. Miscommunication can be the result of a copying mechanism we first saw and experienced in our family. And it’s good when we realise that. It’s the first step towards improvement.

    Liked by 1 person

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