One of my biggest fears is telling the truth, lying is so much easier. Yes, that sounds absolutely awful, but everyone has a demon right? Everyone has something bad about themselves that they are trying to work on. Mine is lying. I have gotten better, but I am not 100% honest yet.
I am that person who will literally dig her own grave and you can watch me sink lower and lower as I wave goodbye. This year (and part of last year) I have been working on being honest, and finding out why I lie. People have different reasons for lying, most reasons are something along the lines of “I don’t want to get caught.” My reasons are the same I suppose, but they also go deeper than that.
Ever since I was a kid I have been afraid of letting my family down. I was shy, quiet, and normally a really good kid. On the rare occasion I was naughty I would lie about it, till I got caught of course, and then I always felt so bad I would cry. There was one day in grade school where I came home and my mom asked me about my friends, I realized I didn’t really have anyone I connected with. So I started making up friends and telling stories. Of course my mom knew I was lying, but she never said anything.
I lie to seem better, I lie to keep up appearances, I lie so I won’t have to hurt anyone, and I suppose I lie because the truth usually hurts people and I can see that. I know what people want to hear, I can see it in their body language and I can give them those answers. I guess that is one of my major down falls, I want to be the nice person, that tells funny stories, and can get a long with everyone.
I made a deal with someone that I would stop lying, or at least work on it. Two years ago the grave I dug was probably 20 feet deep and now I can proudly say it is a foot deep. I know that isn’t great, but one day I will be on even ground with everyone else. I still fib here and there but I usually catch myself, and I apologize for it now, instead of getting upset about it.
I’ve been through so much in my life, and I know I can do better. If I hadn’t started trying to be better I wouldn’t have such a good life right now. I would be stuck with an abusive guy, drug addict friends and pretending (lying) that everything was okay. Right now my life is amazing, I couldn’t ask for a better home, a better job, or a better family. I got this all by working on myself, being a better person, and learning how to love the truth and to tell it.
One of the hardest things to do in life is admit you have a problem, and the second hardest thing to do is to commit to work on that problem. BUT if you can, I promise it will make a difference, and your life will turn around and become paradise.